All posts in mindset

divorce

I have never made a post like this one before on my blog. This has nothing to with Facebook Ads or Google Adwords or Shopify.  This is hard for me but I want others to learn from one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made in my life. This mistake has cost me, my ex-wife and my kids heartache beyond heartache. Before I get into the lesson, let’s go back in time.

2004 was a great year. I remember kicking ass and taking names. I was pulling in $80,000 some months simply by collecting loan leads on the internet and selling them to banks and loan companies in the United Kingdom. (Yes I am Canadian and live in Canada but with the internet that doesn’t matter at all, you can sell anything to anyone worldwide.) Times were good. Money was flowing in, I was dominating Yahoo Overture, (Yahoo’s version of Adwords back then now a part of Bing), I could never seem to make a mistake. Well I was making one.

I was obessed with making MORE money. I felt that as the bread winner in my household my job was to pay the bills and make sure we had enough money to do whatever the hell we wanted to do. I thought that as the husband and father, that was my job. Unfortunately I was wrong. I would spend late nights on my computer trying to make MORE money. I thought that by putting in so many hours, I was doing what a man was supposed to do.

My “job” was to be there for my wife and kids. That didn’t mean just be a provider. That meant BE THERE FOR THEM. I was raised without a father, (he left when I was very young and died when he was in his 50’s). That meant I had no male figure in my life to mentor me and show me what it means to be a real man. I’m not making excuses, I know there’s so many others out there that grew up with in a divorced household, I made my choices and I live with them.

I see so many young guys and even some older guys who think that “grinding” and “hustling” for 12+ hours per day is some kind of badge of honor. It’s not. It is a perfect way to end up divorced, (if you’re married). The thing is your spouse wants time with you, they don’t give a crap about how much money you made or didn’t make that day. They just want to be with you. Time is one thing money will never be able to buy and the more time we spend on our business, the less time we spend with our friends and family.

I made the mistake of allocating my time incorrectly. This cost me a marriage. I don’t want it to cost anyone else out there. If you’re spending more time on your computer working versus with your family, then you need a kick in the pants. Life is not about who makes the most or who dies with the most toys, it’s about creating great memories with your kids. It’s about spending time with your loved ones. I’m not perfect and still working on this, but I know it’s wrong when I’m on my computer for an excessive amount of time now. I know that when my little girl comes and has something she wants to tell me that I should give her my full attention. I know that card games or chess or board games are important to them. (I find them boring but that doesn’t matter, it’s time spent with them that they remember). I know that making sure I’m at every school function they have is vital. I know that driving them to school and picking them up every day means something to them. They know I’m here for them no matter what and will remember these simple things that I’m trying to make sure I do for them as much as I can.

My oldest 2 daughters got screwed. Their father was an idiot when they were young. I spent so much time and energy focused on making money when they were young that I didn’t make time for them. I am trying to make that up now. My youngest 2 daughters have benefitted from my mistakes a bit more. Now that I have custody 50/50 I spend way more quality time with them then I did before. Like I said I’m not perfect still and still do fall back into the “grind and hustle” fallacy once in a while, but I’m aware that I can’t do that like I used to.

Sorry for the long post, but if you’re a guy, (or girl), who is working all the time and you honestly think that’s going to benefit your marriage, then I hate to be the bearer of bad news but, you’re heading down a path that you do not want to go. Snap out of it and re-prioritize your life. Working is great, money is great but nobody gives a shit when you’re 6 feet under how many hours you spent working on your campaigns. Get up and go give your wife or husband or kids a hug and tell them you love them. Ask them what they want to do and give them your full attention when you do. Don’t check stats on your phone, don’t answer emails or check texts when you’re with them.

If you’re in a new marriage your partner will tolerate this for a couple years, but then the resentment will start growing. Eventually they will seek the attention they used to get from you from someone else. It happens all the time and yet nobody really says anything about it. I am divorced because I was a complete idiot. The good thing about complete idiots is sometimes they can learn from their mistakes. I hope you can from mine.